What if I can’t cook? What effect will it have on my marriage? These are questions young ladies are asking. Let’s answer your questions.
Can we meet you, tell us about you ma?
I’m Patience Oyeme Olaiya, a loving daughter of ABBA who is happily married and blessed with the gift of a precious daughter.
I’m a Speech Therapist and I help children & adults with communication disorders to overcome their inability to speak or communicate.
Growing up as a young lady in the home, what was your experience ma?
I grew up in a Christian home. I was raised in the way of the Lord but I didn’t want to be a Christian because everyone was one.
I questioned beliefs, reasons, thoughts about scriptures and practiced Christianity because it made sense to me not because “it was a must”.
I loved God and I still do. I’m glad God never misunderstood me but He loved me all along in that phase of “finding God” for myself.
How did you learn skills related with cooking and the kitchen?
I was 6 when my sister and I cooked our 1st meal. It was an okra soup that was very watery but our mum didn’t scold us, she praised us instead. She told us to add little water next time. That built the foundation of my love for the art of cooking. I knew whatever the outcome was I’d be praised, encouraged and corrected.
As I grew up I wanted to experiment more.
I brought foreign and new recipes to the house. There was always something new to try out and my family loved my cooking. While in school, I cooked for my friends, most of which were guys.
Sometimes we all contributed money for me to cook and other times I sponsored the cooking.
I also cooked for my Unit in fellowship (Transport Unit while I was an undergraduate and when I became a postgraduate) whenever we fasted or for no reason at all I’d cook for the guys.
I actually derive pleasure in watching people enjoy my meals.
As a mother and wife, what has been the effect of your cooking on your home?
As a married woman, I have raised my cooking game, I have learnt new recipes and the art of “food presentation”. I’m still learning though. Food for me should be good looking and tasty always.
Cooking is an art and a skill everyone should know something about. It is actually a survival skill. Some guys have suffered during this lockdown because they can’t buy cooked food or access female friends who can help them cook. Everyone should know how to cook basic food. The good thing is YouTube is accessible for you to learn how to cook any dish you want.
My husband loves my cooking and he shows it off. My little girl is ready to learn and very soon I’ll allow her experiment.
It is important to state that I’d do the same with my son when I have one. I won’t raise my kids to think cooking is for girls only. I’d raise them to know that cooking is for survival.
What if a mother can’t cook, what will be the effect on her marriage?
Many women can’t cook certain meals but the question should be “are they willing to learn?”
If they are willing to learn, then the problem is solved. I learnt how to cook white soup, edikan ikong & afang from my mother in-law who is from Calabar and my mother in-law learnt my egusi recipe from me because she loves my egusi outcome better. She also loves my akara & fried rice. She claims I have wonderful signatures in some of my meals.
What I’m saying here is “humility and a desire to learn” will help anyone become a better cook.
It is also important to mention that food isn’t one of the major reasons why people get married. I have met beautiful couples with a wonderful marriage where the wife does not enjoy the art of cooking. The husband or house keeper cooks and that is what works for them. The important thing for them is to have good food and not how the good food was made or who made it.
It is important for singles to discuss if food in marriage is very important to them and finalize how they will go about it. No one should be complaining after the wedding.
How can we develop the skills necessary?
Like I said earlier,
- Humility and the willingness to learn from anyone. You can learn from cooking vlogs or YouTube videos, you can also learn from the market women. Tell them what you want to prepare and ask for guidance. Let them assist you in picking the ingredients.
- The desire to know how to cook will drive you into learning.
What are the basic things a woman should know as far as the kitchen is concerned?
- You need a refrigerator
- Bulk buying saves time and money
- The art of cooking is as simple as applying powder to your face
- You don’t need everything advertised on the Internet or TV. Make do with the basics and what you have.
- Learn to stock the freezer with different soups & stews. It saves you from having to cook everyday or all the time.
When should we learn to cook?
Anytime between being a toddler and being a grandparent
A word for wives and mothers out there.
- Good and healthy food will keep your family healthy.
- Don’t raise your kids on juice and biscuits. Don’t give them an alternative to a real meal. Don’t allow them take juice or biscuits before meal time. That’s how to not raise a picky eater.
- Make cooking a fun and learning activity for your kids. It will help them survive when they become adults.
I hope you learnt something new from the interview. You can always learn, and get better. Desire to be a good cook, keep at it and eventually you would be. You can send me a picture if you eventually cook something new.
Let me know what you think in the comment box.