Why do people face identity struggles? Our guest provides answers to this thought provoking question.
Tell our readers about you sir and what you do
I am Joseph Adegboyega Oluwatobi from Modakeke in Osun State but I reside in Ibadan. I am an Estate Surveyor by profession, a missionary, and a teacher of God’s word.
Five years ago and now, looking back, what has changed about you, sir
Many things, but mostly positive changes. My moral and social life has been influenced by the different characters I have met, who have also improved my maturity in terms of conversation, reactions, conducts, comportment, and ethical behaviors.
Peer group can really be a strong agent of socialization, I thank God I have friends with godly virtues.
Have you at any point battled with accepting your physical features; size, height, complexion?
Not really but I once wished I was taller and huge. This I thought would earn me respect and honor but I can tell you now that, it is not by size. I was the president of the Joint Christian Campus Fellowship in two different institutions and at different times while on campus, leading a minimum of 1500 congregation and no one at any time ridiculed my person or judged me by physical size.
Why do people face identity struggles?
Most times it starts from the home, when a good relationship and love does not exist between the parents and children, the children become strange when they see other children being cherished by their parents.
Parents should be able to care and show love to their children by learning to say affirmative words to build confidence in their hearts.
Some other causes are criticism, disappointment, re-occurring failures which likely cause depression, intimidation from successful fellow and mediocrity to mention but a few.
Nevertheless, nothing should be capable of defeating one’s ego and self-esteem. Being dejected is not permitted even when your parents fail you. I will recommend you read an article on ‘Identity Crisis’ by a psychologist known as Erik Erikson, for more understanding.
In relation to the theme, what has been your greatest challenge?
I have once been mocked and downgraded by my class mates in secondary school due to my height. I hated being short due to their attitude towards me and I was advised to be eating beans in order to become taller.
After a long time of eating beans, I saw no changes. This moved me to check my biology textbook to confirm “factors that affect growth”.
When I saw heredity, I decided to disturb myself less. More so, most of my mates came from wealthy homes, so relating with them was so difficult because they had a clique. I remember meeting one of my secondary school colleagues whom I greeted but he discarded my greetings. I was yet to finish from the tertiary institution when I saw him inside a Toyota Sienna Jeep, later I found out the car belonged to his parents.
My greatest challenge was being molested by friends because I came from a low background. My English Teacher while in secondary school requested the audience of my parent. My Mum followed me to his office, the man sized my Mum from head to toe and said ‘Joseph! Is this your Mum?’. I said yes, I was initially embarrassed by that question. I knew he expected to see someone in a jeep and as chubby as I was.
Low self-esteem, have you ever been there?
Yes, I have but I scaled through when I understood the reality about myself. Self esteem is, not claiming to be what you are not. I have seen many people present themselves high and expensive and as a result, miss their helpers.
Galatians 6:3 says he that thinks he is something when he is nothing, deceives himself. However, knowing your ability and living moderately is not a definition of low self esteem but in your little estate, you must be positive and be grateful to God, who owns tomorrow. Some persons have been victims of low esteem and couldn’t introduce their family to friends, the work they do, where they live, etc.
Don’t deceive yourself by living someone else’s life in the name of low self-esteem, let God have His way.
Where can we discover the best definition of ourselves?
It is not in the mirror. It is in your heart. Guard your heart against external or internal crisis, the first enemy of your joy is yourself, that is why the bible emphasized in Philippians 4 that ‘rejoice and I say again rejoice’.
Always see things in the right perspective no matter what people say to you, God’s remark about you is more important than any man’s comment. Search the scriptures to see the wonderful promises and love of God for your life.
No one is a dictator of your joy. God is for you, so no man can be against you.
Have you ever faced rejection because of your personality?
Yes, particularly where I worked some years ago. I felt rejected because many complaints every now and then because all my boss desired to see about me was my mistake and not to appreciate my goods.
How can we overcome rejection on the grounds of being who we are?
Be patient enough to bear the inconveniences, they increase your perseverance and make you wise. Even if you do well and you are castigated, don’t allow that kill your morale, who or what you are is not determined by what people say about you but what God says and what you agreed to be.
Jabez was named by his parent because he was born in sorrow, that was what people knew him to be but he refused to accept it and embraced God’s will for his life. Your background is not an excuse to fail, it is your choice.
How can we overcome identity struggles?
Love God, Love everyone. If you do, you won’t see their errors. Love yourself and understand the purpose of your creation. A man of purpose can never be distracted by circumstances.
Discover what you were created to live for, so you won’t be messed up by people. Strive for excellence in all things and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you.
A word for our readers out there
The fact that you failed does not make you a failure but makes you wiser and prepares you for the next level.
Thank you so much sir, how can we contact you on social media?
- Facebook- Adegboyega Joseph Oluwatobi
- Instagram- josepholuwabig1
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- Whatsapp- +2347039282629